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靚靚 | 17th Jul 2009, 10:19 AM | 開心 | (91 Reads)

DRESS CODE

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

TOILET USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After you second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "chronic Offenders category." Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

LUNCH BREAK

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim-fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

(originally posted by alice30forever in plurk)


[11]

emotionemotion


[引用] | 作者 wingwing | 8th Oct 2009 17:34 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

[10]

今時今日,真係老細大晒!


[引用] | 作者 盈祉 | 30th Jul 2009 21:48 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

[9]

For goodness sake, check the source. It was just a parody!!


[引用] | 作者 E | 30th Jul 2009 13:16 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

E: Absolutely!!! We are toying with humour!!!

[引用版主回覆] | 作者 靚靚 | 30th Jul 2009 16:57 PM

[8] Re: 靚靚
靚靚 :
cheez: 我諗源出該国 :)
cheez :係美國公司?


係此國才會口口聲聲話平等實則最差勁!

cheez
[引用] | 作者 cheez | 20th Jul 2009 22:54 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

[7] cheez

cheez: 我諗源出該国 :)

cheez :
係美國公司?


[引用] | 作者 靚靚 | 20th Jul 2009 19:23 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

[6]

嘩! 使唔使咁多規矩 ?


[引用] | 作者 小明 | 20th Jul 2009 10:41 AM | [舉報垃圾留言]

小明: 都係好野黎架!

[引用版主回覆] | 作者 靚靚 | 30th Jul 2009 16:56 PM

[5]

PERSONAL DAYS

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

可能連104日都無bor


[引用] | 作者 Patsy | 19th Jul 2009 12:35 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

Patsy: It is a very considerate company :)

[引用版主回覆] | 作者 靚靚 | 30th Jul 2009 16:55 PM

[4]

"We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work."

Very true! I will put it in my company's policy!

Lindberg
[引用] | 作者 Lindberg | 17th Jul 2009 18:02 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

Lindberg: Yes, I love this one the most :)

[引用版主回覆] | 作者 靚靚 | 30th Jul 2009 16:53 PM

[3]

哇哈哈~~~


[引用] | 作者 Heidi | 17th Jul 2009 16:56 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

Heidi: Ka ka ka ka ka....

[引用版主回覆] | 作者 靚靚 | 30th Jul 2009 16:53 PM

[2]

TOILET USE--都有規定架

晶晶
[引用] | 作者 晶晶 | 17th Jul 2009 16:40 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]

晶晶: 係架!

晶晶 :
TOILET USE--都有規定架

[引用版主回覆] | 作者 靚靚 | 30th Jul 2009 16:51 PM

[1]

係美國公司?

cheez
[引用] | 作者 cheez | 17th Jul 2009 14:22 PM | [舉報垃圾留言]